A year ago today, my life changed forever. I had gone through a few years of a personal hell, but I didn’t realize it. There were a lot of events that took place to get me to this point, and something that I will write about (and post <a href=”https://www.nahumck.me/out-of-the-fog/>here) later.
I sat at the hospital, prepped for my right adrenalectomy, uncertain of what the outcome would be. My family and doctors told me that my life would be different; not just different, but noticeably different. I can honestly say that I didn’t think any of them were right. I was hopeful that they were, but I really didn’t believe it at all. I had a lot of time to allow my mind play out what would happen (as I like to do); all I was worried about was waking up after the surgery and my heart stopping for the 5th time. I had put my family & friends through enough, and I didn’t need to add stress to them with something bad happening. I vaguely remember things after, up until I was in my room for a while.
The next day, I was feeling better. “Drugs do amazing things,” I thought to myself. Other than some gas from the laparoscopic procedure, I was feeling fine. I was able to get up & not have a code called on me. Progress.
The rest of my stay (on my birthday) was spent with family and the wonderful nursing staff who took the time to walk with me. All said and done, I was in on Thursday afternoon and was going home Saturday morning. Looks like things were ok for now, though I was still scared of what could happen again.
It was Saturday afternoon that I really noticed: I was feeling great, amazing in fact. It wasn’t a small change, it was very noticeable. I wasn’t feeling sluggish. I wasn’t feeling depressed. I wasn’t stuck in this fog of despair and self-pity. I was seeing life more clearly and it was beautiful.
Life has been improving ever since. I’m down to the smallest dose of one blood pressure med; I was on 5 meds at the highest dosages before. My blood pressure is perfect now; it was 170+/110+ before. My potassium levels were back to normal. Small things that would keep me angry and pissed at everyone & everything either didn’t bother me or were short-lived. Everything was getting back to a “normal” state, though I had no idea that this was life as it should be lived.
A week after the surgery, my wife & I found out that we were going to have a baby. I was able to care for her through the rough 9 months (what a courageous woman she is — I truly admire her for it). I am able to care for my family now and care about them in ways that weren’t possible before. I am present. I am happy. And by removing part of me, I am becoming whole.
I am so thankful that I have the best wife, parents, family, friends, and doctors I could ever hope or ask God to graciously give to me. They put up with all of my shit, all of the stress, and help me figure out what was wrong and fixed it.
This past year has been this amazing start of a transformation in my personal life, and I look forward to what my future holds…